all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
