this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
