Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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