My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
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She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Randomize