I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
