one word: firstdatebathroomanal
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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