Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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