just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
