im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
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I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
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What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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