Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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