Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Every concussion has its silver lining
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"