I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?