I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I have fence marks all over my body
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION