Texts From Last Night

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  (614): View more from Ohio

  you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes

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  (614): you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes http://tfl.nu/g514
  Replies (11) Good night (4725) Bad night (802)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star

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  (202): you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star http://tfl.nu/tu9p
  Replies (11) Good night (3728) Bad night (1140)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.

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  (773): My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended. http://tfl.nu/c9ao
  Replies (38) Good night (1498) Bad night (3804)
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  (914): View more from New York

  When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...

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  (914): When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking... http://tfl.nu/3yo6
  Replies (13) Good night (4947) Bad night (1157)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween

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  (317): having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween http://tfl.nu/sqve
  Replies (8) Good night (3077) Bad night (829)
• Favorite

  (479): View more from Arkansas

  I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction

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  (479): I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction http://tfl.nu/gbpq
  Replies (18) Good night (886) Bad night (3271)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.

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  (718): Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet. http://tfl.nu/d2h1
  Replies (2) Good night (660) Bad night (2315)
• Favorite

  (618): View more from Illinois

  She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed

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  (618): She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed http://tfl.nu/19hm
  Replies (9) Good night (1059) Bad night (1446)
• Favorite

  (705): View more from Ontario

  I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.

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  (705): I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard. http://tfl.nu/825y
  Replies (2) Good night (1146) Bad night (751)
• Favorite

  (682): View more from Texas

  He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl

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  (682): He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl http://tfl.nu/krho
  Replies (2) Good night (1396) Bad night (930)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"

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  (717): all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever" http://tfl.nu/t8bi
  Replies (7) Good night (351) Bad night (1385)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.

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  (503): So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper. http://tfl.nu/n7cq
  Replies (3) Good night (754) Bad night (337)
• Favorite

  (530): View more from California

  I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.

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  (530): I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing. http://tfl.nu/soo7
  Replies (2) Good night (694) Bad night (476)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.

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  (920): Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable. http://tfl.nu/w3qs
  Replies (2) Good night (414) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?

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  (404): Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet? http://tfl.nu/rr8x
  Replies (1) Good night (326) Bad night (443)

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