I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on