But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
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