He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b