drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
