Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
