Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
