I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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