I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Dicks are not precious.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
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