Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
