Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
There r osticjed everywhere
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
