She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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