Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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