And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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