She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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