I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
