obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
