I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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