he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
