Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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