did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
