I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Randomize
