I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
