She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
