I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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