before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Enjoy the penises
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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