I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.