textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..