his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
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Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
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Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street