i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex