I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
