sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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