Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
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I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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