So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
