He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
