He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
