Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
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