Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We had to coat check the pizza.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
