Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
