Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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