Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
