He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
We have so much sex to catch up on
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
