we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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