Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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