Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
