before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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