I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
