dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
