Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
