so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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