is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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