You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
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