Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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