Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
