so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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