I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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