I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
